Yo dont text me then not text me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
