dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
