so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
