she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
