So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
