Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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