Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
