On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
