I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When are your genitals available?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
