pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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