so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
