I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
