Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Actions speak louder than pants.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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