hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
