Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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