I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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