I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
