My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
