don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
