Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
