what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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