I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize