ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
