My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
