Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
