dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize