I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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