well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
