Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
