I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
