What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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