using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
