Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
