Need sex. Gaining weight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need moral support for this bender
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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