Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
