Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He keeps bees of course he's weird
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
