genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want her autograph on my taint
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
