There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
