it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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