If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
