There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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