i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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