Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
