the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
