Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
