Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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