Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize