I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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