judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
