Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
