omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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