My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
