Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
