his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
