I am in a vortex of obligation.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
