I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
