Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
