I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
