I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize