Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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