From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize