she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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