oh god the rape fog is back!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
