yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
