She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
