I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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