Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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