I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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