I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
