I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
