we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
