He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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