I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
