Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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