Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize