Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
